Submission: Guilty Pleasures #3 Read online

  I looked down at my pie, pushing the half-eaten bits around on my plate, my appetite suddenly gone.

  “Well, you can always ask her yourself, if you want her side of the story.” I looked up, startled.

  “I thought she’d disappeared, that no one knew where she was?”

  “Yeah, she did, for a time. But she came back to the club not long ago. You’ve already seen her.”

  “I have?” I was more confused now than ever.

  “She was at the club the night Chase brought you there.”

  I shook my head. I hadn’t met anyone named Jane. And I certainly didn’t think Chase would have introduced me to her.

  “You watched her in a session.” Stacy tipped her head, her eyes bright.

  “She was the woman on the St. Andrew’s cross.”

  The woman on the St. Andrews’ cross. The black-haired woman that was being whipped by a man named Martin. I’d watched her, watched the ecstasy blossom on her face as the whip bit into her skin, as the man cracked it higher and higher. I’d been so turned on by watching the scene that I’d practically begged for Chase to take me in the hall outside the session room. He’d given me exactly what I wanted, taken me upstairs, to a different room. We’d come together with such force, such incredible passion, it still took my breath away to think about it.

  Stacy was still watching me. “You really got it bad for Chase, don’t you?”

  I blinked, trying to keep from showing any emotion. But I’ve been told, repeatedly, that my thoughts and feelings are always clearly written across my face. I simply nodded.

  “It’s complicated.”

  Stacy laughed. “Most good things in life are.” She regarded me for a moment, as if weighing her next words carefully.

  “He’s changed, you know...Chase has. Since he met you, I mean.”

  Her statement confused me, caught me completely off guard. “How so?”

  Stacy leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. “The weekend he went away, left me in charge of the club...he was with you?” I nodded. So did Stacy.

  “Before that weekend, Chase brought a different woman with him nearly every night the club was open. But since then, he’s brought no one else until you. It really surprised me to see him change so much...so quickly. I’d been dying to meet the woman who finally tamed Chase Thomas.”

  The smile on Stacy’s face was genuine, her voice earnest. “I’ve known Chase a long time. I know a bit about his past; he’s told me some. I guessed the rest. He’s not as good at keeping secrets as he thinks he is. At least not with me”

  “I see.” I replied nodding although I wasn’t sure exactly what I was agreeing to. Stacy’s words caught me off guard. The idea of Chase being such a womanizer stung my heart like a swarm of angry hornets. I suppose I was naive to think that someone as beautifully broken as Chase wouldn’t catch the attention of other women or that he wouldn’t perhaps take advantage of the fact that people are naturally drawn to him. Still, the idea that right up until he met me he had been with so many women was hard to swallow and I struggled to force the idea down my throat so that I could once again breathe.

  “For as long as I’ve worked with Chase at the club... hell, even before that, he’s always had a revolving door on his bedroom. He’d bring women to his club, show them off, take them back to wherever he takes them and...before you know it, they’d be gone. Next night, a new girl, same routine. I felt sorry for some of them...they were pretty taken by him. Some knew the game though and played along and those that didn’t learned all too quickly that Chase wasn’t the kind of man that would let women fall in love with him.”

  Stacy cocked her head again, considering me in the bright fluorescent light of the diner.

  “But you...he was different with you from the minute I saw you two together. He treats you like you really mean something to him, not like just another girl that he’s hooking up with for the night. For one thing, he introduced me to you.”

  Stacy pushed her empty plate away. “I like seeing him like this. You’re really good for him.”

  I didn’t know what to say. There was a voice in the back of my mind telling me something wasn’t adding up here, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Stacy interrupted my thoughts.

  “How did you meet Chase?”

  Hadn’t she seen me with Jake?

  I thought back to that night we first met, when Jake had brought me to the club. I didn’t remember seeing Stacy. But I’d been so focused and incredibly nervous on being in a submissive role with Jake, then meeting Chase for the first time and the prospect of a public session with a stranger, I could have missed seeing almost anyone.

  “I first came to the club with Jake, as his submissive. Chase...did some rope work with me in a session.” I wasn’t sure how far to go into detail with Stacy. I figured she would get the general idea without me having to spell it out.

  It was her turn for her eyes to go wide. “You’re that woman?”

  I scowled. “What ‘woman’?”

  Stacy burst into sudden laughter. “You have a reputation. I only heard about the session after it was done. I didn’t get to actually see it. Chase had asked me to keep an eye on the club that night, that he had guests that he wanted to spend time with. So, I was back in the private rooms with our regular clients. I had heard later that Chase had a wild session and that it was just amazing.”

  My frown must have deepened. I wasn’t sure where this was going.

  “It’s okay. Don’t look so shocked. It’s just that every once in a while a session gains a kind of mythic status...yours is one of them. And especially if Chase is involved. He doesn’t do many sessions anymore. I’d heard he’d done some fantastic knot work and your reaction; well...it was pretty intense by all accounts. You went off somewhere we all wish we could go. I’m sorry I missed it.”

  I felt a flush creeping up my cheeks. I knew darned well the session was public, but I’d been so focused on Chase and his knots I’d almost forgotten I had an audience.

  Stacy gave me a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry...it’s okay. It’s what we want to have happen in the club...it’s good for business.”

  The waitress arrived with the checks. “Sorry if that sounded a little cold...I get into business mode sometimes without thinking of how it comes across. But the energy from a session like that just buzzes through the whole place. You know; I was there when you saw Jane and you had quite a reaction.”

  I blushed again.

  She winked. “It’s okay, it’s all so intense. Not exactly something you experience every day, you know?” With one quick gesture, she grabbed both checks.

  Stacy had given me a number where I could try to reach Jane. I gave it a day, thinking about what I wanted to say to her so that I didn’t sound like a maniac or scare her off. It was after dinner when I finally punched the number into the phone, my heart beating in an erratic little dance in my chest.

  The phone rang for a long time and I realized there probably wasn’t going to be any voice mail system that would allow me to leave a message. I sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy.

  Just as I was about to hang up the ringing stopped. I wasn’t sure if a machine picked up, the phone had disconnected or if someone had answered.

  “Hello?” There was a groggy female voice on the other end.

  “I’m sorry to bother you. I’m looking for Jane?” You don’t even know her last name, Abby.

  “Who the hell is this? If you’re a telemarketer, I’ve got a police whistle here and I’m not afraid to use it.” The voice had lost its groggy tone; it sounded more like an angry bear someone woke up early from hibernation.

  “My name is Abby Phillips. You don’t know me...”

  “You’re damned right I don’t know you. And I’m not buying anything you’re selling.”

  I knew she was going to hang up any moment and in desperation I shouted, “I’m Jake Meyers’ submissive, so please don’t hang up!”

  There was
silence on the other end of the line. I thought I’d lost her but I finally heard a muttered sigh...or a quiet curse.

  “What do you want?” I heard the sound of a match, then a long exhale.

  “I wanted...I was hoping I could meet you, talk to you about...well, Jake.” Smooth. Well planned, Abby.

  There was a snort of laughter on the other end, followed by another long whoosh of breath. I could almost smell the cigarette smoke through the receiver.

  “Is he being a bad Dom?” There was another laugh, just as unpleasant. “Yeah, okay. I’ll meet you. Only because I’m curious to see who Jake’s with now.”

  Jane gave me an address, a small bar in a rundown neighborhood a long way from my apartment. She said she’d be there at some time around ten o’clock, when her shift started.

  “If I remember, I’ll try to be there a little early. But don’t count on it.” The line went dead.

  Why do all these people stay up all night? I tried to take a nap, but I was too restless to actually sleep. I finally gave up, changed into jeans and a simple t-shirt and drove to the address Jane had given me.

  The bar was on a long block lined with other sleazy bars, a dance club and, incongruously, a church. Well, maybe they need some place to go on Sunday that’s still in the neighborhood.

  I pushed open the heavy wooden door. Even though there’s no smoking in bars anymore, I still felt the accumulated nicotine from decades of cigarette smoke immediately coat my skin.

  The bar was dim, barely lit by the neon lights of the back bar and a faded, flickering beer sign near the door with one ‘e’ missing. There was no pool table, just a long bar and a few small tables scattered in the remaining open space.

  A few heads turned my way, giving me a once over as I made my way into the bar. I knew Jane had black hair, but I wasn’t sure I’d recognize her face. I peered down the length of the bar, finally seeing a dark-haired woman seated on the last barstool, elbow on the bar, nursing a drink.

  She barely looked up at me as I sat down but she did straighten up on the stool.

  “So, you’re Jake’s new sub. Not what I would have pictured, but then again, who knows what his latest kink is.”

  I watched as she drummed her fingers on the bar, fiddling with a book of matches. I was nervous meeting her but I suspected her nerves stemmed from a strong desire for a cigarette.

  “You want to know about Jake? What my time with him was like?” She motioned to the bartender, who ambled down, refilling Jane’s drink. He cocked an eyebrow at me and I pointed to Jane’s glass. He nodded and wandered down the bar, eventually returning with a glass of what I hoped was soda. I took an experimental sip; it was.

  “I guess I’m trying to understand what went wrong...” Jane’s snort of laughter cut me off.

  “What went wrong? Start with when I my mother married that son of a bitch, Jim. That’s where it all went wrong.” Jane swiveled on the bar stool, meeting my eyes for the first time. I saw how red-rimmed they were, dark smudges on the pale skin beneath dark blue eyes.

  She waved a finger at me. “But you’re here about Jake, not me. I get the picture.” She turned back to the bar, almost inhaling her drink.

  “I have my own set of problems. I’m sure enough people have told you about them so I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say, I’m messed up in more ways than one and it’s not something that anyone can fix.”

  She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face. “I had another Dom once. His name is Nick. Really nice guy. Understood me like no one else ever did, before or since. Knew exactly what I needed, how to give it to me, when to stop.” Her voice had gone soft, almost dreamy.

  “We were so good together. But then, his wife got a job in a different city and he had to move. I understood, although it tore my heart out.” She spun the matchbook on the bar, watching with disinterest as it skidded off the edge, onto the floor.

  “I found Jake...gentle, kind Jake. Or so I thought. You know, he looks like Nick. Maybe that’s what I liked, same dark hair, pretty boy type.” She looked at me, her eyes suddenly alive with a flame of inner fire.

  “But you know, you’re his sub. You know exactly what he’s like. He flashes you a quick, dirty smile, turns on the charm and you do exactly as you’re told. And you love every minute of it, right?”

  She was right, more or less, but I wasn’t sure answering her would be a good idea so I took a sip of my watered-down tepid soda.

  “So we start, you know, slow. Real slow. I have a bit of experience. He has none. So I lead the way. Jake’s wants to learn everything he can, and he does. It was good, in the beginning. But I think he lost control one time too many and it frightened him. Frightened men are desperate men. And I think he viewed me as a project, something to salvage...reclamation. Told me he loved me.” That snort of laughter again.

  “Like I needed to hear that. I’m not meant to be loved. I’m meant to be used. But Jake’s such a romantic, or a fool. Anyway, I wanted him to be my dominant, nothing more...I couldn’t handle more.” She played with her empty soda glass. I feared it would follow the matchbook to the floor.

  “I bullied him, I guess, made him do things he probably wouldn’t have done. Say things he never would have said. Told him I’d leave if he didn’t. I tried to make things better in here...” she tapped her head “...by making it hard for Jake.”

  She turned, her eyes searching mine. “You understand? I used him. Like I wanted to be used...needed to be used. But Jake’s not a ‘user’. And I’m not salvageable.”

  She stared off down the bar, watching the bartender as he leaned on the bar, talking with a customer.

  “He’s got such a nice ass. But he’s gay...too bad.” She sighed.

  “Anyway, one night with Jake, I showed up high on something, or drunk. I don’t remember. I’d been that way before and he either didn’t know or didn’t care. He had me on the bed and I said something...something stupid.” There was a pause.

  “I broke the house rules.”

  I saw a tiny shiver run through her body. Her voice dropped to a whisper.

  “He took me down to the other end of the room, said I needed to be punished. That he was going to spank me. At the first touch of his hand on my skin, it wasn’t Jake anymore; it was my step-dad, Jim. It was that bastard, with his greasy hands on me.”

  She went silent. I waited, not sure where this was going, not sure I wanted to know.

  “Something broke inside me then, something fragile; maybe the last piece of my sanity. Jake broke it, but I let him, didn’t stop him.”

  She straightened up so suddenly she made me flinch, the glass wobbling on the bar. I reached out and steadied it.

  “So I left, grabbed my clothes out of the bathroom, got in my car and drove away, wearing just my t-shirt. I had to stop a couple blocks away, get out of the car and finish getting dressed. I never went back. And the prick never came looking for me, so I figured it was what he wanted too.”

  Jane turned to me again, riveting me with those red-rimmed eyes. “And you know the worst thing? The bastard never came looking for me. I figured it was what he wanted, too.” She leaned on her elbows as if the details of the story had exhausted her.

  “So, does that satisfy your curiosity? Got the information you needed?”

  “I only wanted the truth.” My voice was low, like I was speaking to a frightened animal, or a frightened child.

  “The truth? I used Jake. He either didn’t care or cared too much. Either way it didn’t work out. What I wanted...needed...he couldn’t give me. Some things just can’t be fixed, no matter how badly you want them to be. I’m one of those things.”

  The bartender suddenly called Jane’s name. She waved him off, sliding off the barstool.

  “Look, I have to go to work. Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it. Because I’m never going to see you again, okay? This was a one-time deal.”

  She disappeared behind the bar, pulling a dir
ty apron from behind the counter, tying it around her hips. She turned back, looking at me as if seeing me for the first time.

  “You were there, the other night. I saw you. And I saw you when Chase bound you. You were that screaming bitch that got everyone all excited.” She made an unpleasant sound, somewhere between a cough and a laugh.

  “I didn’t realize. Huh...Jake with you.” She turned away, then looked back over her shoulder.

  “Better you than me.” She walked away without looking back, leaving me struggling to breathe.

  The next couple of days all blended together in one long blur. I was sleep-deprived, restless, a disastrous combination. I wanted resolution but didn’t know what that resolution should be. I still had questions, still wanted answers...from both men. But my body and mind were exhausted. I wanted to put everything into perspective before I sought out either Chase or Jake.

  Jane wasn’t what I expected. Not by a long shot. She was rough and brash and a deeply troubled young woman. In my mind, there was no way I could reconcile the woman I met with the Jake I knew. But then I hadn’t known Jake all that long.

  I’d made up my mind that when I got home from work on Friday, I’d call Jake, to see him. There were inconsistencies in what he’d told me, things that didn’t make sense...things that upset me to think about.

  More than anything, I wanted Jake to tell me I misunderstood him...or Jane...or have a simple explanation that made everything make sense. That would clear up this infernal confusion I felt.

  When Jake answered the phone, when I heard his husky voice, my mouth went dry. It took me two tries to say hello.

  “It’s good to hear from you, Abby. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.” I could hear the longing in his voice.

  “I miss you too, Jake. I’d like to see you, just to talk.”

  “Just talk? This sounds serious.” He was trying hard to keep his voice light but I could hear the tension behind the words.